Connection is The Cure

Melinda Macht-Greenberg, PhD

 

About 25 years ago, I was working with a young man who struggled with depression and anxiety. He often spoke about feeling alone and isolated. Our work focused on helping this man build meaningful relationships. As his relationships grew, his symptoms of depression and anxiety decreased. One day, this man told me that I should write a book. I replied that it was more of a bumper sticker than a book and that it would read “Connection is the cure”. The term stuck and I have shared it hundreds of times over the years with clients, students, family, and friends. The phrase, simple but meaningful, resonates with many. It is a statement that sums up why so many people are unhappy and it is also a roadmap to finding the happiness that we seek.

 

Research supports the hypothesis that relationships yield greater happiness. Much research has focused on this area of study with one of the largest and longest-running projects through the Harvard Study of Adult Development https://www.adultdevelopmentstudy.org. In the book, The Good Life, https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Good-Life/Robert-Waldinger/9781982166694, Robert Waldinger and Marc Schultz talk about the value of relationships in our quest for happiness and satisfaction. 

 

With the pandemic, many people experienced the difficulties of extreme social isolation firsthand. I tell my students that the pandemic is a social psychology experiment that we could never ethically conduct, and yet from which we can learn much. Let’s take millions of people, across the globe, of all ages and backgrounds and tell them that they cannot be in social settings (work, school, restaurants, etc) for months at a time. And let’s see what happens. Not surprisingly, rates of depression and anxiety skyrocketed for people of all ages. Yet, children and teens seem to bear the brunt of the long-standing effects. Young children are not meeting developmental milestones at pre-pandemic levels and experience social-communication struggles in record numbers. Teen depression and anxiety, with high rates of suicide, are astounding. It turns out that we need other people to grow and mature in healthy ways. In fact, our very survival depends on connecting with others and forming heartfelt relationships. 

 

The solution to what ails us is sometimes easier said than done. It is not always easy to form new relationships, especially as we get older. Don’t let worry about the solution get in the way of finding the solution. It seems that we derive benefits from being near other people in social settings even if we do not know the people. Think of the smile you get when hearing a baby giggle in the park—even if you do not know the child. The laughter is infectious and being near others, even those we do not know, can be joyful.

 

Connecting and reconnecting with friends, family, and co-workers on a regular basis not only makes us feel happy, it also helps to lower blood pressure and manage stress more effectively. Thus, having important relationships is good for both our mental health and our physical health.

 

I advise people to take small steps to connect with important people every day. Instead of streaming a show, reach out to someone you care about — even a brief text can lead to feelings of connectedness. And for those who are able, having coffee or sharing a meal with someone brings joy that lasts long past when the meal has ended. For people fortunate enough to be surrounded by caring relationships, remember to tell other people how much they mean to you. Spreading joy, through connection, not only increases our own sense of happiness but also that of our friends and family.

 

For children and teens, being with others is necessary for healthy development. Having play groups or play dates increases social skills and fosters maturation in areas of executive functioning and problem solving in addition to the joy of being with others. Even at the height of the pandemic, I was telling parents to find safe ways to bring their children together with other kids. The feedback from parents was unanimous—it worked. Children were in better moods and able to more readily manage their emotions. 

 

So, for your health and to help manage through life’s ups and downs, it helps to remember that connection is the cure. Reach out to someone today and see how quickly you will begin to experience the riches of relationships, joy, and indeed…happiness.